Pleasant Morning Epiphany

My thing recently has been to feel timid.  Ugh, feeling timid is just about the worst thing ever.  It makes it impossible to live freely, because you are always second guessing yourself and wondering what the next person over is thinking of you.  Feeling timid is the way to feel if you are not feeling strong and confident.

This morning I slept in and then took a refreshing shower.  First thing, I conquered the dishes that were piled in the sink.  Then I played some of my own songs on the guitar while the coffee maker was gurgling.  With all of these commonplace morning events, I realized something.

I have been dwelling on a handful of bad memories for months now.  This morning I finally felt the weight of a good life lived, my life lived as an accomplishment of many years going it alone instead of just something I suffered through.  I finally feel proud to call my life my own.  It has been a lot of crazy experiences, but it was a solo trip.  No one person was there beside me the whole time, just different friends along the way.

It is almost as if I have been in denial of how strong I am.  I am strong enough to have faced 28 years of life, and I’ve taken a lot of risks.  Only about 25 percent of the risks have paid off, but that’s okay, because I learned from every experience.  If I focus on the scope of my life overall instead of just a few negative memories, then I can be fine.

I feel the urge to help others, but I have to wait until my psychology degrees are completed before I can really contribute a lot.  But I won’t be waiting around.  I will be enjoying my very fortunate life.  Feeling strong finally also makes me feel a lot of gratitude.

Being timid makes you feel like you are not up to the challenge of life.  Now that I finally can see how strong I am, I am now looking forward to enjoying life instead of fearing it.  It still saddens me that many people in the world suffer and are much less fortunate than I am.  But I can only help others if I am strong and do my best in life.