Reading & Thinking

I have been diving into some great reading and film watching recently.  I have been reading and inspired by Anne Lamott’s “Bird by Bird.”  Lamott is so lushly descriptive, it really creates a great reading experience that makes you want to write too.   Lamott is one of the few people I know of who will outwardly admit to being entirely human, with all of the messiness and imperfection that that means.  I have started writing because now I can tunnel to my unconscious a bit to get the material for typing out.

I am reading “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert for the second time.  I saw Gilbert speak at a theater in my hometown a few months ago.  She is very brilliantly engaging and inspiring as well.  She makes me want to just go ahead and be my own person, after she describes all that she went through to be her own person.  It’s great when strong women show their independence and demonstrate that you don’t have to give up any of your own emotions or caring or fascination with life to be your own confident, independent woman.  Gilbert also makes me stop being bashful about wanting to travel the world.  Her message seems to be, just go for it.  She gives up caring what other people think entirely as far as I can tell.  Her book is wonderfully honest and vulnerable, yet in a strong way.  It’s really incredible, and I’m really enjoying reading it again.

I have also started reading the new book “Slow Love” by Dominique Browning.  I think it is interesting that Browning is still going through so much even though she has had a successful career and successfully raised two children, all on her own.  Even though Browning is also a strong, independent woman, she has let the men in her life treat her badly, at least in the first part of the book that I have read so far.  Browning also confirms my negative view of the glamorous people in New York who glare at everyone else.  I am glad I never have to try to “make it” anywhere.  I am perfectly content to be my own type of lone person, totally unique and totally unknown always.

I feel lucky to have found my husband, who is not a typical guy at all.  It is possible for a man to be sensitive and caring and thoughtful.  From reading popular literature and seeing popular films and television you wouldn’t think it’s possible.  But there are some guys out there who are their own creative type of person, and thank goodness I happened to find my husband or I think I would have gotten more and more cynical.

I watched a yoga documentary.  It is about a skeptic who has yoga forced upon him, but he manages to stay true to his own disbelief, which is very impressive to see.  You can’t make someone be who they don’t want to be, luckily.  I think anything in life becomes what you put into it and what you make of it.

I have also started the book “A Path with Heart” by Jack Kornfield.  He seems to have a lot of great experience to pass on.  I think I like his Buddhist perspective on things.  I learned a good lovingkindness meditation from the book so far.  And I also read an interesting chapter on taking your meditation seat and then taking that awareness and grounding with you wherever you go, as if you are always sitting on your own meditation seat.  I really like this idea and I am going to try to incorporate it into my life.

After reading “A Path with Heart” this morning I was able to take off in a positive direction.  I have been putting myself in a spotlight of negativity and judgment.  I didn’t realize that it was all self-created, or at least self-sustained.  I have had to put up with a lot of nasty people throughout my life, and unfortunately I internalized unkindness and judgmentalness.  But I am leaving that behind and being my own confident person.

I have been feeling good about being myself recently.  Two evenings ago I was sitting in my comfy chair and I had an epiphany.  My path will be my own only.  I am halting the attempt to follow others and reflect what others do.  I have to be my own person totally.  It was a really great realization, that I trust myself to handle all situations in my own way and distill all information through my mind in the way that I want to, taking what I can from books and viewpoints and discarding the rest if it doesn’t work for me.  There are not really any authorities on life.  Each person is her own authority on her own life.  No one should follow anyone else, and no one should try to have any followers.  Everyone is equal and everyone’s life is unique.  What works perfectly for one person will not work the same way for anyone else.  I’ve got to cut out my own path entirely.  It’s the only way to be happy and live contentedly and well.

So, I continue to read great writing by unique individuals, while enjoying being my own strong, unique person.  Life can be good if you work to uncover the beauty in it for yourself.  I think I will still struggle at shutting out nastiness and negativity.  But overall I am confident that I can happily relish the good life that I create for myself.