Coming to Terms with Being Human

As I attempt to live well these days, it is difficult for me to come to terms with how ineptly and misguidedly I have lived in the past.  I’m only 28, but I still cringe when I think of how foolish I was for the past 10 years.  Years cannot be re-done.  But the past does need to be released, like a snake slithering out of an old, dead skin that no longer does her any good.

My focus has certainly been very centered on myself and what I want, rather than going with the flow and observing what a sensible course of action might be.  I feel like since I have not been living my life fluidly and well, I keep hitting brick walls and falling with a huge thud.  I do keep getting back up and continuing, but my negative experiences have left me nervous and expecting the worst.  Expecting the worst is no way to cultivate a cheerful present and future.

I guess it may be interesting to stop thinking of my life crumbling as a failure.  Life kind of tends to break everything down eventually.  Maybe the Buddhists do have it right.  Maybe it is just a question of how you perceive the inevitable crumbling of life.

I’ve started doing a lot of Yoga for the past week or so.  It’s really nourishing.  It is also a goal I have had for quite some time now, so it feels good to finally live pleasant days in the way that I would like to.

I think new age spirituality may be right.  I’ve been fighting it:  Acceptance.  I’ve been thinking I could participate in life in entirely my own way, with no regard to how things actually are.  Surprisingly, haha, that hasn’t been working for me.  There is nothing I can do to entirely change the powerful tides of life’s ocean.  I think it’s time to accept that I am a speck in the Universe.  A compassionate, thoughtful speck who tries her best, but a small part of a huge world nonetheless.  It’s not even depressing, it’s just time to admit it.  I don’t feel insignificant, but at the same time, it feels good to relinquish my Napoleon complex.

Trying Acceptance

I never accept anything about life.  I just usually thoroughly critique anything that crosses my path.  Not always in a negative way.  But in a constructive way that says, “this should change.”

I hear that peaceful people typically have completely accepted everything about life, and that is one of the main reasons that they are so peaceful.  So, starting last night and today, I am giving acceptance a huge try.  It will certainly be something very different from my usual mind frame.

So I guess at this point I have to just admit that I’m a very controlling person, since I already let it slip that I haven’t been accepting of anything.  I will have to give up pretending to dictate how everything should be.  I mean, I would do it all in the name of good stuff, like I don’t want people to face hardships if they can avoid them.  But you can’t really be compassionately controlling, you have to just be compassionate and let everyone learn things for themselves.

I’m the main person who will be learning a thing or two.  It is embarrassing to admit that in my mind I have been wanting to change the entire world rather than change the way I am or the way I think about things.  Since the opposite is what is possible, I will finally be accepting everything else as it is and just trying to change myself in a cheerful way.

This past week has been amazing.  I didn’t do anything incredible.  But I was able to enjoy my time in a way that I haven’t been able to before because I was so worried and anxious.  I think it is interesting that one mind frame can eclipse any other perspectives if you forget to see things in different ways.  Or forget that it is possible to see things in different ways.

While I am trying out acceptance as a way of approaching life, I will also be keeping in mind gratitude for my good fortune.  I saw and read a few items about historical wars and times of oppression this past week.  It was very harsh and heartache-inducing.  The contrast of my completely pleasant lifestyle that came to me relatively easily made me want to cherish every peaceful moment.

So, I have much gratitude for the fact that I have a pleasant lifestyle that makes it possible for me to peacefully try acceptance of life.