A Peacefulness that is difficult to define

I like the epic swells of music and heavy beats with the music of Dido and Jem. The perfect production goes with the earnest lyrics. I also like the acoustic guitar twangs and bizarre lyrical descriptions of indie folk music. I’ve been listening to Pandora stations on my iPod a lot recently. The quirky folk music is on the Laura Veirs station. Most of the other artists I’ve never heard of before.

Maybe my extremes in music taste carry over into all different parts of my life. I can be upset or happy alternately, throughout the day. I am probably more emotional than the average person, but everyone can be emotional sometimes, so mostly it’s probably just dramatically human.

Or maybe there was a reason I was so overly emotional. I had something bitter from the past lodged in my soul. It was like looking at the world through a sinister lens while the bitterness remained. Of course, I claimed to not understand the concept of forgiveness because I felt like I could never condone the past at all, but mostly I just didn’t want to let go of my sad story.

I spoke with my husband for a long time yesterday afternoon. The day had been full of emotional ups and downs for me. I was bringing turmoil into a perfectly serene and lovely environment. It was time to dislodge the bitterness by talking it out with the person who cares about me.

Music can conjure up a past time and place. But anything else can conjure up memories too. When you get to a certain age, if you don’t let go, everything around you rings with distorted memories and strange emotions that should be forgotten. You’ve got to let go and allow yourself to be unconditioned to your surroundings. It’s no good to live in an antique photo album of your life when your life is yearning to move forward to things that are brand new and dazzling in a unique way that cannot be referenced to the past.

After the long, emotional talk with my husband, I felt like I could enjoy everything with new eyes. Without even trying, I felt completely peaceful later on in the evening. That morning I had been completely anxious for no clear reason. Now I felt peaceful just sitting and knitting and listening to music. The pure contentment was a wonderful feeling that I had long been in search of. I needed help to get there.

This morning as I was walking to the car I noticed four buds of flowers on a vine. Less than an hour later when I returned, the flowers had blossomed and opened beautifully. It didn’t even take as long as I would have thought, yet I couldn’t have completely predicted the future and that everything would work out.

I’m still knitting a lot. Working on a purple mitten that is a big challenge. I’m counting stitches, rows and rows of purple. I read a funny book and laughed out loud enthusiastically.

I was previously holding myself up to an impossibly high standard that didn’t allow me to enjoy any of the frequent charming moments in life. I think now I have finally turned off the “so what?” voice in my head that was ruining everything.

Even something totally unique can inspire you to be totally uniquely creative yourself. That’s how it is with good books and good music for me often. My husband and I have made a deal with each other to have rough drafts of our creative pursuits by the end of the year. It’s awesome to have a special person to plan wonderful things with and to be able to cheer each other on as we do fabulous things.

So, I watch as the fragment of bitterness floats away, getting lost high up in the atmosphere and finally leaving me in peace. (smile.)

Greed Versus Wealth

There is incredible wealth in the United States today.  A richness of art, literature, and music.  It is difficult to find the space between greedily wanting it all, and wholesomely, innocently yearning to listen and to experience first hand.  I alternate depending on the day.  Sometimes I feel frustrated with commercialism and feel like I am guilty of a greedy, short attention span.  Other times I am able to serenely appreciate the exquisite  artistic expressions out there. 

If you talked to my husband, he would tell you that I always have five or so projects half done.  With any interest of mine, I feel jumpy and feel the need to start many different endeavors.  There is a pile of books by my chair, and more on the shelf, with sincere bookmarks left in for a later date.  I am optimistic.  With music, I will sometimes become obsessed with an album for the week. 

As a comfortable middle class American, I have the luxury of music and literature, even with the economy the way it is.  I feel lucky, and on days of frustration with the state of the world, I feel guilty.  There are a few different ways of looking at the issue of greediness of music or wonderful wealth of music.  Somehow the flippant short attention span factors in this discussion for me. 

Frequently I find myself rapidly scrolling through albums and playlists, hearing the first four seconds of a song before rejecting it to continue my search for what is satisfying at that moment.  Because I can’t sit still, I cannot appreciate the intricate pop songs that have been so precisely assembled.  It’s all about the moodiness.  If I am feeling calm and serene, I can listen to everything respectfully in turn on shuffle, appreciating the artists and musicians I’ve already chosen for my ipod.  When I’m feeling greedy, nothing is satisfying really, it all just adds up superficially.  When I am able to sit quietly and appreciate the true wealth of the music, I allow myself to stay innocent.  By innocent I mean I am not needlessly critical and demanding.

As it probably appears to you already, this greed versus wealth issue is very personal and for individual introspection.  I have no access to the workings of anyone else’s mind, so it is not for me to judge whether they are appreciating the wealth in front of them or greedily hoarding it instead.  I offer a peak into my understanding as a way of communicating.  Maybe these ideas resonate with you, maybe they do not.

Sometimes there is a lot of guilt that is associated with being a happy, healthy American.  I have not entirely decided how to let the issue sit in my mind comfortably.  But I do feel like there is an innocent way of approaching music, art, and literature to really appreciate it in a personal and inspirational way.  There is no way of collecting experiences, they are just intangible, wispy memories.  Greed for music and art can never be satisfied, because the true experience of it is not something that can simply be collected.

What Music Means to Me

Has Pop music negatively influenced the course of music in general?  I hope not, because I love Pop music.  I think I got my definition of using the term Pop music from a Michael Stipe interview that I have a vague memory of in the back of my mind.  I can’t find the interview (I just searched a bit), but I could’ve sworn that Michael Stipe said something about R.E.M. creating Pop songs, and R.E.M. being my all-time favorite band, it has given me positive connotations with the term. 

            I think Pop music is able to translate its message, whatever that may be, easily to many, many people.  You’re allowed to interpret.  You’re even allowed to sing the words wrong, guessing at unintelligible syllables and creating your own sentences that go along with the catchy melody, and then interpret this patchwork song with any meaning you really chose.  Maybe you think it’s about the songwriter’s own breakup, or maybe you personally identify with it.  Maybe, as Better Than Ezra lyricizes about in one song, a Pop song identifies with a particular memory or time period of your life.

            The whole idea of anything being rigid and untouchable by a typical person is off-putting to me.  I feel like in my own life that is how the classical music world has appeared.  Someone, somehow declared the “right” way to play Bach and Beethoven and the rest, and everyone since has started to break their backs trying to live up to an impossible classical music perfection.  I loved playing cello in youth orchestras throughout my, well, youth, but I was certainly never good enough at it to have the confidence to dedicate my energies to it whole-heartedly as an adult.  It is great that classical musicians are able to perfect Mozart before the tendonitis sets in, but there is something wrong when most people feel left out of the process.  Rigid ideas stifle creativity.

            I think my point is that it is okay for something to be understandable and accessible to many.  Pop music is not something for some type of imaginary elite; it’s something that is personal and universal at the same time.  The musician was inspired to jot down lyrics and chords, took the time to take that idea to the studio, and then the listeners eventually get to hear and interpret the song themselves.  Of course, there is still pretty real elitism in music unfortunately, as individuals try to out-do each other by naming obscure bands.  Everyone wants to have a special connection to some band, even if it’s only because they have taken the time to listen to the music and seek out albums by that band.

            Pop music brings out creativity in its own creation.  Songwriting opened avenues for me just by allowing my bits and pieces of musical knowledge to be swept up in the ideas and creativity of the present moment.  Sometimes lyrics I string together give me insight into life the next day, when I interpret them again in a different way.  Probably my only listeners will be close friends and my Mom, but I still enjoy that songwriting’s pure creativity is able to bring out something vibrant in life for me.

            If I can say anything undermines music, maybe I would have to say that music, even Pop music, is undermined by artists who can’t really claim to be musicians, but are really just performers.  Maybe there are some performers out there who make tons of money in the music world, but who are not at all musicians.  But hey, if music can inspire a performer to dance and put on an entertaining show for fans, that’s okay.  I guess I would just make a distinction between musicians and performers.

            Listening to music is a very personal experience, probably even more so now in the era of ipods and ear buds.  The sounds, the melody and instrumentation, feel like they materialize directly in your own brain.  I love any excuse to stay up late at night, sit back, and let a particular album or a set of songs carry away my thoughts and emotions.  Maybe I listen to the lyrics, maybe I think my own thoughts and get carried away by the emotions evoked by the music itself.

           I don’t really envy the responsibility that very popular musicians face when they have thousands of fans hanging off their every word.  That has got to be intimidating, if not outright frightening.  I admire any well-known person who can stay down-to-earth while still having the power to change more about the world than the average person.

            I think many people have a vague idea that music is so universal, it somehow transcends the mundane details of everyday life.  Any time an individual is allowed the creative space to be as expressive as possible, it is inspiring for anyone.  However, I think the 21^st century is at risk of being one of the most cynical eras yet.  It is easy for one person to spend just a few moments tearing down artistic, creative work that someone has put so much energy and effort into.  I am not an expert on any of the Decemberists’s albums, but I was still chilled by an article I read in Slate that tore down the lead singer as being completely pretentious.  One of the problems with a global, online community is that we have the choice of being as judgmental and critical as we like, and then putting our foolhardy judgments online for anyone to see.  Many do not want to bother to be kind because they are guessing they will never be in the same room with the person they are being critical of.  I think true artistic freedom means we are trusting others to be at least somewhat respectful.

             Music is certainly able to capture something special about life that is difficult to describe.  Pop music maybe tries to appeal to as many people as possible, but that’s okay.  If I can feel something from a catchy love song, or a fast-paced heavy, angry song, I don’t mind that anyone can hear it and feel something similar.  It is difficult to think up a strict definition or reason for the purpose of any art form, music included.  If I had to guess why art forms are important, I would guess that it has to do with individuals sharing part of the human experience with each other.  An art form like music captures a feeling about how it is to be alive that is difficult to express in daily, random interactions with others.  Unfortunately I think many of us can count on both hands the number of life changing, inspiring conversations we have had with others, but music can break down barriers between people with its expressive honesty.  There is a Nanci Griffith song with the lyric, “if you can’t find a friend, still got the radio.”  A lot of human connection these days is long-distance in some way or another.

            Throughout life, each of us stumbles upon music that is inspiring to us.  Maybe one person loves Josh Groban’s music, another person loves music by Tool, and someone else is obsessed with Of Montreal.  I want to respect that you can make your own personal choices.  I also want to have faith in each individual to be able to go out, get a cheap guitar, and start hesitantly strumming some chords.  Sit down at a piano, get past feeling foolish, and express what you’ve been feeling for quite a while.  There is nothing elitist about raw creativity; there is nothing wrong with trying to express what life is like for you, whatever medium you may choose.